Want My Job?(Part Two...)
This is a typical average day at Maison De L’Orb. Since the last post we have “upgraded” the garden to create Jardin De L’Orb, a beautiful bespoke new entertaining pace complete with stage, grass, two bars, summer kitchen and over thirty bottles of gin. (We do serve other drinks as well) It’s June. We are fully booked. This was what happened on that day.
Breakfast done, guests happy and everyone is checking out. Ten new guests are expected this afternoon. Knew there was a problem with the blind mechanism in one of the bedrooms and determined to sort it out immediately. Minutes later the chambermaid comes in and says she can’t manage to move all the furniture out the new bedroom which needs to be empty for the floorboard specialist. I say that someone will come over to help. This gesture is immediately forgotten about and I hear banging and thumping as the chambermaid now insists she can manage. Moments later the floorboard man arrives and I take him to one of our new bedrooms on the first floor. He starts to talk about flooring for the bathroom. I explain I have samples but don’t like them and will talk to him later. Back trying to resolve blind problem. Think we might have a spare in our garage. A cappuccino has been placed given to me by our gardener. It’s cold and sugared but thank you. Search and think I‘ve found it – plus new standard lamp needed for another bedroom and replacement table lamp for reading room as I noticed the shade was damaged.
Find chambermaid, explain about lights and where they are going. Ask her to tell me when she has finished assembling standard lamp so I can check it is okay. Not too sure she understood what I mean as the lamp is touched delicately like a porcelain doll and then placed carefully on the stairs before she walks off.
A caterer appears in the garden to organize a function we are having tonight. Decide to utilize his talents and ask him to fix blind problem. Give him new blind but he’s not sure he can install it. Phone his nibs (he’s walking the hound back soon).
Departing guests give a loud cheerio with one nearly falling down the stairs having tripped up on lamp. Lie profusely about how it got there. Check with caterer to make sure function menu is okay for printing. Wild discussion about two changes, including a desert which was supposed to be a raspberry something but is now a strawberry thing. Print menus. Start checking and responding to emails.
Drink the cold sugared cappuccino. His nibs comes back to say spare blind not wide enough but he has cannibalised it to replace faulty cassette (that houses the chain). First guests arrives unannounced to a screaming scene from chambermaid who has spotted a huge lizard. Tea and cake for new people and show them to bedroom. Apologize that cleaning is still being done and I get lots of “Oh I know, we are early, no worry” comments back. As I close the door I hear one of them say “I can’t believe they’re still cleaning…”
I finish blind order: New blinds to replace dim-outs, three spare blinds and five spare cassettes. Check measurements for the three big blinds and that the last order had the correct sizing. Send email.
Go up to bedroom to check lamp is okay – it is. But see new (and larger TV) is sticking out over the edge of the sideboard and will get bashed every time the door opens. Remove radio on bedside table to make space for water and glasses previously on the sideboard. Five minutes later I hear a tutting sound and the chambermaid has placed the water and glasses back on sideboard.
Post arrives. New name plates for bedrooms that I ordered last week as existing ones unaccountably scratched. Unpack and label for installation in next few days.
Check flowers and plants in dining and reading room. Another early arrival needs chat and advice on which beach to go to before asking me where to go for lunch. I say go right along the river and there is an excellent place five minutes’ walk away. I see him leave the building turning left. Take enquiry for possible room booking for September and tell them to check online but to ring me again if they wish. Resume email replies.
More post arrives in the shape of two bottles of gin. Say hello to parcel man. Have a pee.
Decide on some lunch. Mr Caterer informs me that he is having lunch delivered and it’s a new dish is being tested so could I wait and have that. Catering staff arrive to dress the garden for tonight. One of them is a young English girl but she has absolutely no idea about Beziers, or where the shops, bars, everything is. Tell her when she is not working to put on coat and have a good walk around. Print out guest information so she can take it home to read.
Departed guest comes back in to say they have taken wrong coat by accident. This is the second time in two weeks, but only the third time in seven years. Weird. Check on progress with floorboard man. He’s still struggling but is happy singing way at full gusto to a Mama Cass Elliot record.
Lunch arrives in a huge cardboard container, griddled octopus salad with romesco sauce. I am asked for feedback. Suggest many new ideas but Mr Caterer just shrugs. Discuss tonight’s party and go over food and wine menus.
His nibs bizarrely ask me where to buy candles.
Email from postcard printing company to say they can’t open coloured front side. Discover PDF is missing a few photos. Keep redoing artwork which looks fine until I PDF it. Drives me mad all afternoon trying to get it right.
Cleaner decides to take down all the tea and coffee selection in the dining room and clean shelves. I hear here shout finish then she runs out the door. I notice the teas and coffees are left on table so spend a while rearranging. Notice my bottle of Camp Coffee has a best before date of 1996. It’s never been opened used so will keep and say it’s there only for conversation.
Chambermaid comes in with glass knob broken off chest of drawers in suite. Make note to get it fixed tomorrow. She screams again at the sight if another lizard on the outside wall and then crosses her chest religiously.
Asked gardener when the hanging baskets were going to be ready. The response is a shrug and a laugh with a nod of the head so I am none the wiser.
Decide to change our biscuits for the bedrooms for a more substantial cookie variety and order a few to ample knowing full well we’ll stick to original brand but I have biscuits to eat.
Talk to several arriving customers who are surprised to see I actually work. Keep an eye and ear on chambermaid, pointing out that it’s not good to continue to mop the floor when guests have arrived and to actually mop around their feet.
More guests arrive and the house is suddenly filled with chatter and laughter. Show them up to their room. Offer to take luggage.
Floorboard man comes in to ask me to come and see the room, which he’s nearly finished. A slight skew on the run of the weave as he has measured from the walls. I advise that in all the other rooms he must use his eyes as that is what the customer uses: not many come armed with a set square. He shrugs.
Prospective guests come knocking at door by asking they may be back later in the year but can they see a bedroom. I say no as guests are in them all and we only show rooms as long as they are clean and empty. They sigh. I shrug.
Final guests arrive with muddy dog. Get towels and show them hose, then discover the fitting has disappeared so can’t use it.
Finally finish postcard artwork but need to check it properly tomorrow.
This was the day. We have the night to go as well.
Want my job?
