My Kitchen Gadget Hall Of Shame

I wrote this original article back in 2012. Fast forward to 2015 and I still haven't learnt. I have added some 2015 updates.

Many people swear by a spring clean - a new year, a new broom, a new season etc.

I have started in my pantry - a good place to be and as I have turned out cupboard after cupboard and undiscovered boxes, it has become apparent that over many years I have purchased many of what can only be called "freak purchases" either online in the middle of the night no doubt under the influence of either sleep deprivation or a large gin so I have decided to give a mention to these "freak purchases". Some were purchased in the heyday of the late 1980s when no doubt dressed in acid house t shirts, smiley face badges and Toyah influenced blonde hair brought many a titter to a shop assistant.

Fast forward several decades, these gadgets one demanded, cried over, saved up and bought on the Access credit card I still have. When we moved from London to Beziers some five years ago these wonderful appliances came with us. Perhaps I was thinking a new lease of life in glorious sunshine would bring them out of their shell but sadly it was not to be. Here they remain covered in tissue paper awaiting love and usage.

Maybe this is the year to bring the life, but in the meantime, I hereby salute my top ten kitchen gadgets of shame.

The Electric Ice Cream Maker - I still have the receipt from 1999 and was bought after overdosing on too many Jamie Oliver cooking shows and feeling the need to create wonderful ice cream for summer picnics and barbecues. It didn't happen. If I am honest, it was never gonna happen. It may look big and beautiful but that's just it - far too big and no doubt takes over an hour to clean it after each use. Far easier to make ice cream manually (I now make great no churn ice cream – move over Mr. Oliver and thank you Nigella) or if feeling lazy pick up a pack at a supermarket. The maker has moved house three times and been stored for over ten. 2015 update - it's still with us, happy 16th birthday Miss Ice Cream Maker

The Electric Jam Maker - Why? I have no idea either and only myself to blame. I believe it was bought at an Ideal Home Exhibition, when it was worth going, and again has never been used. I always feel there is sense of pride of cooking something NOT letting a piece of machine do the cooking for you (if that makes sense). Not ashamed to say this machine has yet to be taken out of its box though am ashamed to look at receipt and wonder why I paid that much for it. 2015 update - it's still with us. I did have a few requests from fellow ex pats wishing to take it off my hands but after a few emails nothing.....nothing new there then.

The One Pound Salad Spinner - The tag line on the wrapper says “Every home should have one”. I disagree, but there was a moment in madness when I did agree and therefore bought three. All three have never been used; all three are ugly plastic containers with a hand driven spinner to spin the salad leaves into stardom. Sadly no stars were made in this house. 2015 update - all spinners were donated to a local lady who has since found great pleasure spinning rocket leaves. I hope.

The Bread Maker - Set the timer and wake up to the smell of fresh bread! It did happen, once….. Another Ideal Home Exhibition purchase I'm afraid - no wonder I'm still on their mailing lists......2015 update - an attempt was made last summer to waken up our guests at Maison De L'Orb with the smell of home baked bread but after a few groans of "we prefer croissants" the machine was placed back in said box where sadly it remains, unloved and untouched.

The Infamous Waffle Maker - It all began many years ago after a weekend trip to Brussels and one decided to become a fully-fledged Flemish person and cook waffles for breakfast every morning. The downside was that Monday to Friday could not be a***ed getting up at 6am to make them and at weekends one was busy elsewhere (no doubt attempting to make jam - see above). The waffle maker remains untouched, unloved and in a box. Strange thing is one has not eaten a waffle since 1990. 2015 update - One can confirm one has eaten far too many waffles in recent times and the waffle make has gone to pastures new somewhere near Toulouse.

Make Yoghurt – In 24 Hours - My grandmother had one; my mother had two as a wedding gift back in the 1960s and therefore I needed one. In fact I demanded one and as a result one was bought for me from the kitchen department at Bourne and Hollingsworth in London many years ago. The name of this great department store alone should tell you how old this gadget is. The nostalgia was to make your own yoghurt; the downside was that it took you twenty four hours. Far easier was to pop to a shop and buy one in ten minutes. The machine never stood a chance. 2015 update - I still have this if only for the pleasure of seeing a B & H receipt and packaging and a glimpse back to the olden days. I still buy supermarket yoghourt.

Squeeze and Juice - Name the diet and rest assured I have done it. This monstrosity of a machine resembling something out of Blakes Seven is still with us though the accompanying twenty things to do with beetroots and carrots’ cook book is not having personally shredded it years ago after succumbing to a bacon sandwich on day four of so called beetroot and carrot juice diet. 2015 update - am proud to say this machine has been dumped/thrown/given away can't recall but its no longer with us only don't tell my partner, they still think its somewhere.

The Mommie Dearest Electric Carving Knife – Picture the scene. Christmas 1980 and the family are sat round the table awaiting in earnest the Christmas bird. In walks mother proudly with the turkey to a round of applause only to end with shrieks and screams as the craving knife is plugged in and Mother turns into Faye Dunaway chopping down rose trees. I now have this knife…2015 update - how could I part with such nostalgia!

The Healthy Eating Grill – Another year, another diet and a new gadget. The diet lasted a few weeks, this grill lasted one meal. 2015 update - given away to a passing French lady who cooed and clucked with delight as she went on her way. Let it be known we are kind to our French neighbours.

The Soda Stream – Happy innocent days carrying a gas cylinder back to Timothy Whites for a replacement all so you could impress your school chums with flat soda and a few squirts of syrup. This yellow and white plastic affair is no longer in use but plays homage to an innocent time when it was perfectly acceptable to drink sugar, lets kids loose in the kitchen and carry around legal weapons all in the aid of pop. 2015 update - one item I could never give away and yet one item I know I will never use.