French Manners
Moving to France is one thing, that’s the easy part, but, being accustomed to French manners and culture is another. There may only be a few miles between the UK and France but it’s another world in the world of etiquette. This has been adapted from a magazine article I was asked to write.
When entertaining in London I would simply ring or text people and say “Dinner next week probably Wednesday 8ish”. That would be it. People would turn up, they would bring a few bottles, some would arrive early, others much later, there was never any set agenda. Over the many years of living here in France I have noticed it’s a whole new ball game and the rules need to be known off heart. Before people feel the need to get pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard), the following is what I have noticed and what I recommend. When I showed this to some new friends from London just settling into their new home their response was “Oh that’s what they meant”. Who or what I don’t know….
Let us therefore imagine you have been invited by Monsieur and Madame Du Pont for Din-Dins….
Invitations: Always reply promptly to invitations, whether accepting or declining and never by text unless you are aged 18 and under. If you don’t reply, you won’t be invited again and therefore won’t have the luxury of declining. Remember, if you receive an invitation from someone, you will need to issue an invitation to that person in return. This infernal cycle can continue until doomsday. One suggestion – purchase a fabulous fruit tart or gateaux to take with you, at least you know that you will enjoy dessert, if nothing else.
Greetings: Greet friends and family with La Bise, a kiss to each cheek, starting with the right, and accompanied by the words “Salut! Ça va?” or similar. Kissing on the lips should be a private activity, as should feeding each other chocolate or coffee éclairs. Living in Languedoc also can prove a problem – people tend to kiss three times, sometimes four if there is some Catalan spirit in the air and children just once….confused? I was told when I moved here that the oldest “gentlemen” received five kisses from the ladies present and vice versa and you never kiss someone you don’t know, although that can change depending on the person. Confused?
Champagne: If you are hosting a special celebration where champagne is being served, remember that you are not at a nightclub, just won some dreadful TV reality show or won the lottery. Open the bottle with as little noise as possible, and retain the cork in your hand as otherwise you may shatter some priceless light fitting. You will know you have succeeded in the perfect opening when the champagne doesn’t foam everywhere. Nonetheless, it’s sensible to have a champagne glass on hand just in case – to err is human.
Dinner Is Served: Men take their seats after women. Once everyone is seated, if a woman gets up from the table, it is customary for all the men to get up as well. It is also customary for men to stand up when new guests arrive – unless they are children. Women remain seated. If a woman returns to the table or arrives late, the men must stand and remain standing until she has sat down. And no, it’s not a game of musical chairs. Think of it as being in school pre 1985 when you HAD to stand when a teacher walked in although forget the part when the teacher threw the blackboard rubber at your face…or was that just me?
Bread: When you cut up bread to serve at dinner, don’t slice it too thickly, and try to keep the slices regular. Offer the bread basket to your neighbour to help himself. Never pick up a slice with your fingers and give it to him. When eating bread, don’t pull a piece off with your teeth. Tear a manageable mouthful off with your fingers, pop it into your mouth, and close your mouth, chew and swallow. Manners maketh man and all that.
Eating: Never start to eat before everyone has been served. Wait for your hostess to start eating. Don’t eat with your mouth open or speak with your mouth full. We know that our desserts and patisserie are sensational, but don’t shovel them into your mouth too greedily. Take the time to savour them. Never put your knife in your mouth, as not only is this bad manners, but the knife may be sharp. Don’t sing or whistle whilst eating, no matter how much the Chocolate Gateaux with a little fresh cream lifts your spirits. Don’t put your elbows on the table. Don’t clean your teeth at the table. In fact don’t do anything annoying or British.
Cheese: When helping yourself to cheese, especially when there is a choice of runny and other cheeses, remember to wipe the cheese knife on the side of your plate so that your neighbour doesn’t find Roquefort in his Brie, for example. Never, ever cut the brie across the pointy bit but instead cut lengthways. My old French teacher at school taught me that and is the only piece of useful information I retained from school. That, and “Only a fool breaks the two second rule” when driving behind a car……
Cafe: Your spoon is only to stir any sugar and help it to dissolve. Don’t lick it. Don’t leave it in your cup – put it on the saucer.
Conversation: When you are asked “How are you?” always reply “Very well thank you, and you?” Never, ever make the vulgar error, even if your house has roof damage, your children have chicken pox, your pedigree Persian cat has been kidnapped and your cleaner has resigned, of saying anything other than “Very well” or “Fine thanks”. This is pretty much a rhetorical question, and you have been invited to amuse, not to whine.
